Sex & your Cycle; Post Menopause
In my online workshop Period Power, we talk about sex & your cycle. In each phase, what you need to become aroused and then move towards orgasmic states is different. What about sex in your postmenopausal years?
Sexual Scripts
Unfortunately, we live in a culture that doesn’t value age. We receive the information that beauty has an expiry date and your sex life has a shelf life. When we ingest specific ideas from culture that have been given to us - we internalise & take those beliefs on personally.
Discussing older people’s sex life is taboo. According to 3Gem market research done in the UK, only a fifth of British people think that society is ready to deal with this topic, a fact also confirmed by the majority (60%) of people over 65 who say they do not feel comfortable discussing sex and intimacy. Part of the problem is due to how the media treat, or rather avoid proposing images of couples over 60.
Incase you have not seen it there was an incredible campaign by Relate and Rankin to make efforts to break this taboo. The photos in this article are from that campaign and I would HIGHLY recommend you watch the youtube video here.
Breaking the Biggest Myth:
It may surprise you to hear that a women’s sex drive is meant to increase overtime and it’s actually easier to work with your libido after Menopause.
Here Is Why
Instead of having the hormonal fluctuations you have while you are still cycling, after menopause you now have one consistent cocktail of estrogen, progesterone & testosterone - in low levels. In fact, it reflects the same low levels a menstruating person experiences in their follicular phase.
This means, just as in the follicular phase, after menopause, it is possible to experience bodily responses like,
* A low physical & mental urge for sex
* Decreased sensitivity
* Vaginal dryness or tightness
This is due to the levels of estrogen beginning to fluctuate and decrease. Some people may experience thinning, drying, and inflammation of the vaginal lining. This can lead to discomfort during sex, or even pain during sex.
Contrary to what popular culture would have you believe, this is OK, there is nothing wrong with you and there are ways to support your self and your sexual experiences to move towards enjoyment regardless of what you are going through.
Menopause is a transformative time in a person’s life. During this natural part of a women’s sexual development, your menstruation cycle begins to decrease until it ceases altogether. As this happens, the body gradually adjusts, and just as is the case with all transitions, some aspects of menopause are exciting and others can be more frustrating. In my experience the parts of menopause that women find most frustrating are the parts where there is very little education or even mis-information. For many people experiencing menopause, changes in sex drive and sexual pleasure are among the most crushing because of this. But sex can (and should—if that’s what you want, of course!) be enjoyed throughout the different stages of menopause.
Sex & Menopause
The biggest thing you need to know is your body is….you responding differently than before so you need to learn a new way of engaging.
In fact, what your body needs is your attention, energy and focus going towards the arousal stage of your sexual response.
And remember, AROUSAL IS A BODY FELT SENSATION
At this stage of your sexual life the purpose is not about “finishing” but learning to maximise pleasure sensations of all kinds.
Sexually, this means use lube , focus on lots of touching, learn sensual massage and prioritise non-penetrative playtime. Learning how to savour every sensation, arouse the senses and magnify the physical experience so intimacy becomes a super-sensory erotic encounter.
Again, just like the follicular-phase in a cycle, after menopause, your body becomes primed to begin discovering new things. Add the wisdom, confidence and the art of giving less fucks that comes with age, that looks like a whole load of sensual experimentation to look forward to &an invitation to a new, rich, full-bodied sex life 🙌🏻
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This is just a short article but I really hope that what it can do for you, if you take this in slowly is give you hope….that you can experience and continue to have an incredible sexual life. Because the belief that you cannot, is not true and it is not even yours. Have a look at some articles where I spoke about this a little more here
Much Love,
Jenny
